Outdated Christian Lingo

Since my second job is at a Christian bookstore here in Elizabeth City, I hear a huge amount of outdated Christian lingo and cliches every single day...

I'm pretty sure I'm thinking about all of this because 90s style Michael W. Smith is playing on the house system right now.....uhhhhhhhh....

Its funny how people who have grown up and/or grown old in the church that talk with a deep-seeded Christianese dialect to their English actually think to themselves in amazement, "I just can't relate to kids today." Oh I have those same thoughts, too, don't get me wrong.

This is an example of how I really can't relate to kids these days. Yesterday I was heading back home from Williamsburg when the dj from 100.5 asked her callers to give her euphemisms that they and their lovers used to imply for wanting sex while in the company of others, you know, like a password. The topic didn't shock me, really, until the third caller called and said a version of this:

"Me and my boyfriend once heard our youth pastor, who was giving us a sex-talk at our church, say that he once turned down his wife's advance for sex (never heard a man do that, honestly) because he wanted to play Scrabble. So, from that point, since that teen couple were sexually active used the euphemism, "Let's go play Scrabble..."

Hmmm....that blows my mind. Must have been a great talk that night. Looks like the youth pastor's point got across.

Anyway, here's a few words or phrases that I don't understand why we use outside the church:

1) Praise - The more I hear it in the church, the more I hear the word 'thanks' outside. As soon as someone uses praise, they are immediately tagged Christian, which means they have substituted other common words for Christianese terms, such as steadfast for patience, for example.

• Normal English = "Thanks!"
• Christianese = "Praise be to you!"
  

2) Cool, dude - You might hear someone who's a parent say this and I usually say to myself, "they're trying at least." Other instances you may hear that same parent say, "that's the bomb," "boom shock-a-lock-a" or "awesome!" Not that I would wanna hear my mom say, "TJ, I got love for you," "what's poppin'" or "let's get crunk!" Talk like yourself minus the Old English and outdated pop slang and you'll be fine!

3) Thee, thou, thine - Speaking of Old English, I really hope this is a no-brainer. Of course no one uses it in common conversations as their own words, but I am a firm believer in ABKJ (Anything but King James). I mean, let's be honest, there are plenty of reasons for me to hold this.

• A) No one, including Jesus himself, spoke Old English. And now churches adhere to having only the KJV for two reasons. One of them is to appease the older generation that has always had it. I doubt, with every fiber of my being, that Jesus would've spoken his words only so the Pharisees and religious leaders could understand him. When he spoke, he was not only authoritative and powerful but he was ultra-practical!
• B) The KJV is the most outdated commonly-used translation of the Bible. Did you know that of all translations (NIV, New Living, New American Standard, The Message, even the New King James just to name a few) the King James is the only translation that does not include the Dead Sea Scrolls. You might be saying, "So?" Well the scrolls that were discovered in the 1940s are the oldest copies of biblical books that we've ever found. All the other translations incorporated these texts, but not the King James. So, the KJV is the Bible version of the game 'telephone' that would rather keep all the changes that had occurred through scribes' interpretations rather than to have the words that are closer to what the biblical writers actually said. Or than to have gramma read a different version of Psalm 100.

I'm trying my best to not be that weird talking, Bible bashing Christian. I actually think that using normal language (yes even slang) to speak the truths of Scripture is much harder and MUCH MORE EFFECTIVE!!

Try it sometime or you can notice the disconnect that occurs when you quote the KJV to an unchurched teenager...your choice...