Last Monday night at our Student Ministry meeting, a place where all the volunteers and I get together, we had a discussion regarding small group discussion. On Wednesday nights, after a couple of hours of food, activities, contests, music and a thought-provoking, side-splitting message we give our students a 1/2 hour of small group time with 2 volunteers.
I had noticed that the small group time had become stagnant in a few of the groups. Just to give you an idea, this is what we do:
- We have no more than 10 students in one group with 2-3 volunteers
- We split middle school boys and girls up into two separate groups
- The high school groups are co-ed
- Each volunteer has questions that are developed from the night's message
- Discussion is made from the responses to these questions
Even though this seems pretty straightforward, I noticed a few things happening in some of the groups:
- Small group time was becoming more instruction time (students talking less, volunteers more)
- Some groups were dwindling in size (especially the group for middle school boys)
- Some volunteers were uncomfortable with silence, which led them to talk more
- Some volunteers would transform open-ended questions and solicit one-word answers (a discussion killer)
In light of these, I gave a few pointers on how I felt we could effectively engage and inspire our students into discussion. Of course, this formula doesn't work overnight, nor does any. However, I truly know that if these principles are in place coupled with spending any time you can with your students then this will work.
I don't believe for a second that we're failing at Forest Park at anything in particular, but with that said, I know there's always room for improvement. And I totally don't have this all figured out. But I do know that, in our college/young adult ministry, discussion makes or breaks an effective interpersonal & relational ministry.
Even though I gave them in less detail last Monday, here are my "pointers":
I had noticed that the small group time had become stagnant in a few of the groups. Just to give you an idea, this is what we do:
- We have no more than 10 students in one group with 2-3 volunteers
- We split middle school boys and girls up into two separate groups
- The high school groups are co-ed
- Each volunteer has questions that are developed from the night's message
- Discussion is made from the responses to these questions
Even though this seems pretty straightforward, I noticed a few things happening in some of the groups:
- Small group time was becoming more instruction time (students talking less, volunteers more)
- Some groups were dwindling in size (especially the group for middle school boys)
- Some volunteers were uncomfortable with silence, which led them to talk more
- Some volunteers would transform open-ended questions and solicit one-word answers (a discussion killer)
In light of these, I gave a few pointers on how I felt we could effectively engage and inspire our students into discussion. Of course, this formula doesn't work overnight, nor does any. However, I truly know that if these principles are in place coupled with spending any time you can with your students then this will work.
I don't believe for a second that we're failing at Forest Park at anything in particular, but with that said, I know there's always room for improvement. And I totally don't have this all figured out. But I do know that, in our college/young adult ministry, discussion makes or breaks an effective interpersonal & relational ministry.
Even though I gave them in less detail last Monday, here are my "pointers":
1) IT IS THE STUDENTS' TIME The time during the message is OUR time to talk. 90% of our instruction is during that time. The small group is the students' chance to respond, complain, express doubts, have the freedom to say anything. Think of it this way. Would you rather your young believers express doubt in the confines of the church around other believers or outside those confines to ones who, most-likely, will confirm and encourage those doubts? If they can't say anything doubtful in church, then what good are we? It ain't like you have it all together, either...
The remaining 10% should be used to coax students into discussion regarding the message and/OR relevant life and faith issues. Coaxing doesn't mean just reading the question and asking, "what do you think?" and especially not asking questions that have a yes or no answer.
The remaining 10% should be used to coax students into discussion regarding the message and/OR relevant life and faith issues. Coaxing doesn't mean just reading the question and asking, "what do you think?" and especially not asking questions that have a yes or no answer.
2.) BE WILLING TO HUMBLE YOURSELF The 10% of instruction time within a small group discussion is crucial!! You help the students process what they just heard by being transparent, honest and open (all things you want them to be). You can do that by expressing how the message challenges you, makes you think about how you've failed at ____ in the past, how you struggle with ____ continually now, etc.... I don't know exactly why but the culture has changed in the way that being humble and expressing your imperfections has become inspiring and garners respect. I mean, who enjoys a pompous, holier-than-thou anyway, right?
3) BE INTENTIONAL, BUT ALLOW FREEDOM The goal is not mindless chatter but intentional conversation. However, you may have a group of students who seem to never talk. If, on one night, they begin to talk (with you included in the conversation) about a topic that might be a reach from the message, LET THEM TALK!!! It will pay off the next time you meet! The worst thing you can do, with a group that seems to never talk, is to shush them and give the impression that "religious" talk is the only thing you want.
There's no denying that some nights a small group leader will talk more than everyone else, it's fickle that way sometimes. Who knows exactly why they talk sometimes and not others...
There's no denying that some nights a small group leader will talk more than everyone else, it's fickle that way sometimes. Who knows exactly why they talk sometimes and not others...
4.) BE PATIENT AND COMFORTABLE WITH SILENCE Don't move too quickly from question to question. Too many times I remember being at student meetings being a few seconds away from speaking up, praying aloud, etc but due to the leader's discomfort with silence I was muted at the last second. Don't let that happen! You may mute the one kid who finally surprises you by speaking up!
5.) BE FUNNY, NOT NERVOUS Show me a leader who is nervous and I'll show you two things: the extroverted students who will respond with, "Are you serious? This person is clueless! I'm not talking" and the introverted students who will think, "You think he/she's nervous? I'm now 10x more nervous about saying anything. I'm not talking." All students don't fit snugly into one of these two categories, but most do. What do they have in common? If a leader is nervous, they are less likely to talk.
Be yourself, be genuine. If you are a leader that is concerned about what a student will think about what you have to say, then maybe this ain't your gig...
Laughter will ease the nerves of the introvert and endear you to the extrovert;) Everyone loves to laugh. Try to make that a universal way to keep your students' interest. Do whatever you gotta do! Getting a book of jokes and practicing on your younger siblings, cousins, etc is a good way to start. This book isn't to be recited but to give you ideas about what is funny and what isn't.
Here's an interesting, and nearly universal, truth. If you think about it, it's not that a stretch at all. Everyone wants to hang around with someone that make them laugh. It's what women look for in men and vice versa, the same is true for students in their mentors:)
6.) DON'T SKIP THAT ONE!! The last question that is on the list is definitely the most important question on the handouts. Most discussion guides give the first couple of questions as icebreakers, thought-provokers and questions that reinforce the key phrase of the message. The last question has the meat, the thought that hits you in the gut and keeps it in your mind for the next couple of days. That's the one that if all else fails, bring out all your guns for this one!
I've been there and I still lead discussion groups often. None of these skills are fool-proof as a remedy but I guarantee they will work in the long run.
Invest in yourself so you can effectively endear yourself, facilitate discussion and provoke introspection, life-change and trust in our middle and high school students. By investing in your small group discussion skills, you invest in the lives of those students!
Be yourself, be genuine. If you are a leader that is concerned about what a student will think about what you have to say, then maybe this ain't your gig...
Laughter will ease the nerves of the introvert and endear you to the extrovert;) Everyone loves to laugh. Try to make that a universal way to keep your students' interest. Do whatever you gotta do! Getting a book of jokes and practicing on your younger siblings, cousins, etc is a good way to start. This book isn't to be recited but to give you ideas about what is funny and what isn't.
Here's an interesting, and nearly universal, truth. If you think about it, it's not that a stretch at all. Everyone wants to hang around with someone that make them laugh. It's what women look for in men and vice versa, the same is true for students in their mentors:)
6.) DON'T SKIP THAT ONE!! The last question that is on the list is definitely the most important question on the handouts. Most discussion guides give the first couple of questions as icebreakers, thought-provokers and questions that reinforce the key phrase of the message. The last question has the meat, the thought that hits you in the gut and keeps it in your mind for the next couple of days. That's the one that if all else fails, bring out all your guns for this one!
I've been there and I still lead discussion groups often. None of these skills are fool-proof as a remedy but I guarantee they will work in the long run.
Invest in yourself so you can effectively endear yourself, facilitate discussion and provoke introspection, life-change and trust in our middle and high school students. By investing in your small group discussion skills, you invest in the lives of those students!
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